Bullying
The word brings up so many feelings, frustration, worry, fear, concern, confusion!
When I took the assignment to write this article, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I have been in the education field for over 50 years, graduated from Pacific Oaks and taught there. What didn’t I know? Well, like any responsible writer, I decided to do some research before I began writing. As with almost everything, there is new information that is experience and research based. So here goes!
“Bullying is behavior that is done with the intention of hurting another physically or emotionally. It is intended to do harm. The behavior is persistent, repeated and ongoing, and there is a perceived imbalance of power.”
There is newer research that disagrees with what I believed, that very young children, those under 4 or 5 years, were not capable of bullying, Tanrikulu, I. (2020), Early Child Development and Care. It was thought that it requires a level of brain development and social skills that are usually not developed at that age. So, I had more to read!
Preschool may be the first context beyond the home environment where children’s difficulties in social interactions with peers can be primarily detected and assessed by adults and professionals. springer.com/article/10.1007/s10648-011-9153-z#auth-Maria-Vlachou-Aff1
So, we come to the difference between aggressive behavior and bullying. Aggression can be attributed to normal development of language, social and self-regulation skills. All bullying behavior is aggression but not all aggression is bullying. The Education Hub, Aggression and Bullying in Early Education.
The behavior that we are looking at is diverse, from physical assault to taunting. I found an interesting contrast/definition of the difference between taunting and teasing. Teaser and teased can swap roles - tease each other easily - Is innocent and well-intended - laughing with, instead of at.
Taunting is one sided, humiliating, demeaning, bigoted - is intended to harm - won't stop even when the target objects. It was difficult for me to think about a 5-year-old thinking in this way! I kept reading.
Relational isolation means socially isolating the child by intentional exclusion. Younger children may say, "If you don't give me that, I won't invite you to my birthday party." Or "She can't play, she isn't wearing…" As children mature such relational bullying can become extremely harmful. The problem is that relational bullying is often unseen and hard for adults to detect. They might be subtle gestures like rolling of eyes, aggressive stares, sneers, snickers, spreading of rumors.
This was a lot to digest. As I read more, I started connecting the dots. How has the media and our “low context” culture of competitiveness support and even encourage aggressive and bullying behavior.
What do we do?
Don't kick the children out - there is no opportunity for growth and learning - no zero tolerance.
When we think of bullying behaviors, we need to consider what needs are not being met. Children who engage in bullying behavior have difficulty with:
Taking on another's perspective or feeling empathy
Recognizing their own feelings and the feelings of other
Having a sense of connectedness, belonging and
Feeling empowered..they may feel disempowered at home because things are out of control - divorce, anger, even moving. Too strict of a parenting style
Then we need to think about the children who are the target of bullying behavior. They have difficulty with:
Feeling empowered
Having a sense of connectedness
Knowing and expressing their own feelings and thoughts
Children who are witnesses to bullying have difficulty with feeling empowered.
So what is the antidote to Bullying: Building Community
The Strategies for Building Community are also, conveniently, strategies that help meet the needs of the children who bully, those who are the target of bullying, and the bystanders.
Team Building: Builds connectedness, perspective taking, empathy, inclusiveness, and empowerment is the goal. How can you provide ample opportunities for children to work together toward a common goal? Think about focusing on cooperation & collaboration instead of competition. Studies have shown that aggressive behavior lessens significantly when children are given "real" work - they feel empowered when their efforts make a real difference.
NOTE: Much of this article was adapted from an EPCC training developed by Susan Hopkins & Sharon Davisson.
This article is part of our Newsletter 2024 Issue 3. See all articles.
